I dropped out of college, Now what?


It's fine to celebrate successes, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure. --Bill Gates

If you would've told me a year or two ago about my current situation, I would've given you the cold shoulder.

I would've said, "No way! I have my whole life planned out and nothing is going to change it!"

But look at me now, a twenty year old who did the complete opposite of what was planned, a college dropout with no clue as to where life might go.

Why drop out of school? You may ask.

For as long as I can remember I've dreamed of making a difference in the world and I had always thought it pertained to becoming a doctor. I've always loved hearing myself say "the future Dr.Krizia Bruno" in front of a mirror. I was really good at math and science, had a passion for it, in fact I enjoyed reading medical journals for fun (still do). However, slowly but surely over the course of my college career I began to lose my focus, my drive, and most importantly I lost my life long dream of becoming a doctor. Maybe it was failing pre-calculus, the first time ever failing a course, or maybe it was my location that had affected me so negatively. (Keep in mind I went to a small university smacked in the middle of mountains of northwest Pennsylvania, of which my friends and I like to call purgatory)

My sophomore year at purgatory began and ended as messed up as it can be. In a span of nine months I had lost some of my best friends, made new friends, fell in love,  had my heart broken, partied a lot, turned to drugs and alcohol, experienced the death of a lover, and sometime between winter and spring break I gave up and picked up a "IDGAF" attitude. All the while I tried to keep maintaining high to okayish grades but as second semester came round it was getting harder and harder to find the motivation to even get out of bed let alone attend my classes.

I made the decision to transfer to a different university, one closer to home. Then, I made the decision to change my major. I was acknowledging that maybe being a doctor isn't for me. Now I'm acknowledging that maybe being in college isn't for me... for now at least.

I do know that I'm not the same person I was last year. I am someone who has endured a constant war between who I am, who I want to be, and who I mustn't be.

So this brings me to now with my official decision to leave university. I had once thought that if I had every single detail of my life planned with a backup plan that I would be okay. Unfortunately, I was painstakingly wrong. I am unsure of what I want to do. Of what I want to become.

Others tell me choose what you're good at or choose what makes you happy.

What are you suppose to do if multiple things make you happy? How am I suppose to stick to just one thing and forget the rest?

Right now, I can't.

I would rather figure this out outside of school, instead of racking up more student loan debt and wasting time at a place I know I do not belong.

A little time has passed since I moved back home, and I have reflected on my time in Purgatory. There were some really high high's and some really low low's. Each moment is as significant as the next and I will never forget my time there.

I dropped out of school, now what?

Well first things first, it's not a bad thing that I am now a college dropout... at least I don't think so.

Everyone tells me over and over again, "you'll go nowhere without a college degree nowadays."

Maybe they are right, but then again maybe they are wrong.

The truth is I do not know and I need to find out the answer for myself. I need to grow, heal, mature, and better prepare myself before I decided to go back to school. This might take me a year or maybe even five years.

In the end, I will yet again be a different person and with experiences that many people will simply not understand.

And that's okay. Everything will be okay.